Sunday, January 17, 2016

Overheard Conversation

"It happened a long time ago. He needs to get over it and move on with his life."

Sunday, December 13, 2015

Two Men And Their Crime

Over the past several months I followed the news stories concerning Jared Fogle and Russell Taylor and their involvement in child pornography and sex with minor children. As I read the news reports about Russell Taylor's sentencing hearing this past week it was brought out by his defense attorneys that he was a victim of an abusive childhood which included being sexually assaulted by a neighbor boy and that boy's father.

Saturday, October 17, 2015

Time Machine

I was reading the blog of a convicted child molester who wrote about a month before his trial he wanted to travel back in time and change history. Everything he wrote in his blog was prior to his conviction which suddenly stopped after he was found guilty by a jury at his trial. I assume he no longer had access to a computer after he was incarcerated to continue posting to his blog.

Friday, September 11, 2015

Annual Checkup

Today I went to the doctor for  my annual physical. I don't mind so much having my blood pressure taken and heart listened to or even my blood drawn for tests, but one part of the exam is a little more uncomfortable. I know the prostate exam or digital rectal exam is often joked about to lessen its somewhat sensitive and uncomfortable nature.

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Some Nice Thoughts For The Day

An elderly friend of mine who is in his 90's sent an email to me a few days ago:

Date: March 29, 2015 at 9:47:39 AM EDT
Subject: Fwd: Some Nice Thoughts For The Day

Sunday, March 15, 2015

Recurring Dreams

Even though I continue to work on moving forward and putting thoughts of Mr. P. and his friend Paul behind me, recurring dreams while I am asleep can still remind me of many things that took place in the past. There are the more violent dreams centered around the things Paul would do to me and the threats he told me he would carry out if I ever talked about him. Then there are the less threatening dreams.

Thursday, January 1, 2015

Another Year Passes

Another year has passed. The healing of the trauma experienced in Mr. P.'s house continues. While I still have dreams and flashbacks dealing with the things Paul did with and to me,  I am far better off today than I was over five years ago when I began this blog and this journey to finally face the things that happened to me when I was 12 years old.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

I Will Kill You If...

"I will kill you if..." Even today those words still haunt me in the back of my mind. Knowing someone said he would kill me if I ever told anyone about the things he did to me still stirs up emotions of fear and anger. Today most of the emotion is anger since I know Paul cannot reach out and physically kill me. It is frustrating how your mind can play against you in your dreams and have that person continually beat you up and threaten you. How do you forget something when so many of your dreams are a constant reminder of those things that were done to you and the perpetrator still threatens you in the dream? It is interesting that the only person in my dreams is not Mr. P. beating me up or threatening to kill me, only his friend Paul. While Mr. P. was very demanding, he never slapped me around to get what he wanted or threatened to kill me. He wasn't a saint by any stretch of the imagination, but he wasn't brutal the way his friend was.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

More Work To Be Done

I am confident that all of the memories dealing with my experience in Mr. P.'s house have come back. Many I know never totally went away. Memories of Mr. P. inviting me into his house with cookies and milk were always clear in my mind since day one. Chatting with him in his living room was never forgotten. Over the years I did manage to convince myself I only chatted with him one time even though other memories told me it was more than once. I didn't want to remember the sexual relationship he led me into because the whole thing was too emotionally painful and confusing. The shared experiences I had between Mr. P. and Paul were buried deep down in my mind because I didn't want to remember any of the things Paul did to me. I became an expert at being in denial, not only of the things that happened to me in Mr. P.'s house, but also as to my deteriorating state of mind in the present through July 2009. Today I am no longer in a state of denial.